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* * *
It has been a very long time since I posted. 

I don't think anyone even changes this thing anymore.  But I think it is important for me to write sometimes just so I can air out my life.

There is so much different in my life now, its enough to send one's head spinning.  I had to break someone's heart that I never wanted to hurt, ever.
But I have found a love who is something special.  It was odd how it all happened but I feel the outcome was best for all involved. 

I think the most important thing to say in my splash back to the writing world is...

Josh, you were such a joy to have in my world.  Don't let anything hold you back, you are a treasure.

* * *
I had a mohawk this weekend.  The pictures won't upload right...but its still bad ass!
* * *
Back from break.
Don't wants to be back but I don't get to pick that.

Spring break was good, went to Norfolk, VA with Josh and Ken. 

Tempest rehearsal starts today.

Tomorrow I draw for a single..hopefully!

Busy busy time to jet!

* * *
So I was owned by a marsupial today.

I worked on Friday night.  The weather was so awful that my mom and Josh both wanted me to stay in Johnstown, so he came to get me, we left my car at the Holiday Inn and we went home.

This morning I had to go to work too so I got up, had breakfast, and Josh and I were leaving.

I heard  a noise and looked in one of Josh's garbage cans rattle.

I looked in a found a very angry possum.

I freaked, fell down on the steps and whacked myself up.

You win this round possum...you win.

* * *
Why is that no matter how carefully I try to shave my legs...I always miss a centimeter  wide strip down the center of atleast one..if not both legs?

What's the deal!!!!!!!!

* * *
 Oreo is Josh and my cat.
He is a very peculiar cat in the way that...well..sometimes he acts more like a dog.
The other day I went over to feed him and he came bounding up to the door to meet me.  I petted his head and shooed him into the kitchen so I could get his food.  He proceeded to stretch...and squeak.  I didn't know cats squeaked...but apparently they do.  And when they do...its hillarious.

Oreo is also deeply commited to Scrum.  Scrum is a four inch long neon green stuffed lizard with a jingl ball in its mouth.  Oreo drags Scrum all over the house and loves nothing better than someone to run in front of him and drag Scrum along behind.  They have a very special bond.

He will beg for kitty treats and stand on two legs.
He will rear up like a horse and walk on his back feet.

He is a very cute...but very strange little cat.

He and Josh are wonderful friends though, and they keep each other in the happy.  In the end I suppose that's all that matters.  

* * *
So Josh is in New York right now doing his U/RTA auditions.  I could not go for I am still a baby child and have to go to class.  
I know he will do splendidly..but I wish I were with him to kind of calm him down, keep his spirit up.  But that is why I have a cell phone and I shall use it to text him liberally!!!

I was lonely this weekend by my two kind friends from school dedicated some very nice songs to my breasts.  Stu and Jesse...making the world a better place one damned soul at a time.

I miss Josh so much.  But...I must be off!!

It is time to feed our love child SenOreo...and he damned punctuality!!!

* * *
I'm hoping this year is like a little piece of paper.  Blank and empty and new.  Not so big to write stories on, and not too small to use.

I'm hoping for a good one.

I'm in love with a wonderful young man.

I am loved by a wonderful young man...and a cat.

I'm hoping the new year and new starts give me something..fair.

I am thankful for Josh each day..

If he is with me...no wrong can befall me.

Current Location:
School
Current Music:
This Isn't a Scene its an Arms Race -by- FallOut Boy
* * *
 I have changed.
In my fabric I have changed.
My happy days are fewer.

I had a charmed life...
I had a fire in my belly...

I'm miserable all the time.

Maybe its the Hamlet end for me?

* * *
I don't really know what's going on anymore.
Thank you Jocelyn for being the :) bearer in a time of :( .

I am trying so very hard to make my own happy but sometimes the world finds it funny to heap as much pressure on me as it can.  Its like once upon I had fire in my soul, and now its nothing but embers.

I'm letting everything go.  I need to take hold of my life once more.  Or when I hit the wall I am going to be serioiusly unhappy with what I pick back up.

I shouldn't let the bastards grind me down...but its getting too hard to fight anymore.

If only laying down where that easy too...

Life = not fun.

* * *

I don't know how to make my mind stop wringing things around.
Bad things swirl in my head and dare to suck me in.

I am trying so hard to see the happy..

Josh is my happy.

No happy = No Josh.

* * *
You're a bitch.
You're a liar.

I want you to realize how much damage you have donw.
How bad you really are.
How ugly you are..inside and out.

Go finally drink yourself to death you drunken wench.

I have no peace with you any longer.

Past = undone.

* * *
I'm watching The Steppford Wives.  I've never seen it before but its actually pretty good.
I wish I would have seen it soonor, it really is good.

Josh and I decorated for Halloween today.  We made a cute little witches corner out on my porch.  I think its adorable.  He was super helpful when it came to making the broomstick.  I'm glad he gave it back.  I was worried he would run away laughing.

I love him..he makes me a happy bunny.

* * *

Hello ladies and gentlemen boys and girls and welcome to another episode of "You're A Dumb Ho!"

That's right, where our contestants can't tell the difference between love and a gay alter boy. 

I'm your host.........

 

You know you're a pretty sick fuck when you think its a funny prank to tell people for one thing that you are seriously and honestly engaged, and for another, that you are pregnant.  I'm really sorry that I thought you were in trouble Sammi and I wanted to help you, but you know that was a really stupid, childish and retarded thing to do.  Of anyone that would take things seriously, I thought it would be you...

I hope she know if she keeps this shit up she will never ever be a Psychologist, no one will hire her, she'll pass her competence and relatability assesments.  She is crazy as a fucking nut apparently.  You do not joke about something like that.

And James, Mr. I'm in love with your best friend no wait i'm gay no wait i'm bi no wait I love you?

Fuck head.

I know he had a hand in it too.  He can lick my shiny Irish ass.  There is nothing funny about that.

You what, he's only repressing the homosexual urges until he gets away from home then he will be gay as the day is long.

Bah.

Current Mood:
crappy crappy
* * *
This past weekend was amazing!!!  After having to work a tour that didn't work as it should, but still turne out, on Saturday, Josh and I packed up our things and drove to Asbury Park, NJ.   
We went to The Stone Pony to see Flogging Molly and they were amazing.
The energy was unbeatable.
The band was fantastic.
I got a gutair pick.

After the show Josh and I went and walked along the ocean and felt the salty breeze sting our faces.  
We drove to the Ocean in one day...

He took me to the ocean.....

:D

He's going to end up marrying me....I know it.

And that's just fine.

Current Mood:
creative creative
Current Music:
Devil's Dance Floor by Flogging Molly
* * *

Ken and Josh came to visit today.  I had a free afternoon and they wanted to get out of J-Town.  So they came away to Huntingdon and we supped at Boxer's...mmmm Boxer's...I was so glad they came I missed them both.

We watched a movie afterwards and I got snuggles and kisses and eskimo nose rubs.  

I got a condom in my mailbox today.  To promote going to see Knocked Up on the lawn.  Yes.

I'm tired.

Blah..

* * *

I miss my dad alot today.

The first day of school he was always so proud of us and he would want to know everything and just be proud...

He would slip us money after he moved us in.
He'd call me during the day.

I miss my dad so much.

Everyone here asks about it and i'm ready to cry.  I just wish he weren't gone.  It isn't fair, I wasn't done learning from him yet.

This year is gonna be hard.

* * *

I was bored this afternoon so I was searching random stuff on the internet, when the idea came to me, has anyone ever attempted to make Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls.  The answer is yes...and here is the recipe...

The ingredients are pretty simple, and these are no bake treats.

1C Grahm Cracker Pie Crust

1/3 to 1/2 C Corn Syrup

1C Chopped or ground nuts. (I used pecans)

==========================================

Mix Cracker Crust and nuts in a bowl, slowly add corn syrup until they get to be a stiff gooey mix. Don't make these to soft. You want them to hold together and be slightly tacky.

Kneed the mixture with your hands, which is especially fun for kids, or use a wooden spoon. If they are too soft add more nuts or more crust. You can also let this sit out and it will become harder.

===========================================

Melt 6 oz of semi-sweet chocolate chips, in a bowl, a double boiler is better, but a microwave is fine chocolate will not look melted in the microwave so just try 1 1/2 to 2 Min. maximum! Then stir and it will become a soft mixture.

 


Make a dry mixture of 2T granulated sugar and 1t sale

 


Make balls about the size of a shooter marble that's about 3/4" or smaller.

Roll the balls in the sugar and salt mixture then roll then in chocolate. Make a thin covering. You can use a spoon, or two forks. I used my fingers which means I get to lick them afterwards. Yummy!

 


Put the soft, warm, chocolate salty balls on wax paper or aluminium foil and put them in the Frig. to cool.

 


After the chocolate cools they are ready to serve...

Current Music:
Chocolate salty balls -by- Issacc Hayes
* * *
You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And You're the perfect thing to say.

And you play your card, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
Cause you're my everything.
yeah, yeah

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

* * *

I stay on the edge of good and the edge of bad.  I've missed having something to glide into, to fall back to, to have safe place.

Then there was you.

A wonderful kind of sedation.  A sweet form of escape.  A place for both of us to hide in.  

You have saved me.

You have made me.  You have fixed the broken pieces in my heart as best you could.

You keep me warm in the shadowy night.

I love you so much

Keep loving me please.

* * *

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