Sweet Thoughts, Good Girl, High Hopes

The world was not meant for one as beautiful as you

Fri, 22 May 2009 02:01:31 GMT

It has been a very long time since I posted.

I don't think anyone even changes this thing anymore. But I think it is important for me to write sometimes just so I can air out my life.

There is so much different in my life now, its enough to send one's head spinning. I had to break someone's heart that I never wanted to hurt, ever.
But I have found a love who is something special. It was odd how it all happened but I feel the outcome was best for all involved.

I think the most important thing to say in my splash back to the writing world is...

Josh, you were such a joy to have in my world. Don't let anything hold you back, you are a treasure.

Historian without a cause..

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 20:11:02 GMT

I had a mohawk this weekend. The pictures won't upload right...but its still bad ass!

Let's go to the hemi-side lair

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:57:05 GMT

Back from break.
Don't wants to be back but I don't get to pick that.

Spring break was good, went to Norfolk, VA with Josh and Ken.

Tempest rehearsal starts today.

Tomorrow I draw for a single..hopefully!

Busy busy time to jet!

Opossum-1 Rachel-0

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 02:27:48 GMT

So I was owned by a marsupial today.

I worked on Friday night. The weather was so awful that my mom and Josh both wanted me to stay in Johnstown, so he came to get me, we left my car at the Holiday Inn and we went home.

This morning I had to go to work too so I got up, had breakfast, and Josh and I were leaving.

I heard a noise and looked in one of Josh's garbage cans rattle.

I looked in a found a very angry possum.

I freaked, fell down on the steps and whacked myself up.

You win this round possum...you win.

What the hell...

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 05:24:07 GMT

Why is that no matter how carefully I try to shave my legs...I always miss a centimeter wide strip down the center of atleast one..if not both legs?

What's the deal!!!!!!!!

Back off Rumtumtugger..Oreo has got you beat!

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 22:01:51 GMT

Oreo is Josh and my cat.
He is a very peculiar cat in the way that...well..sometimes he acts more like a dog.
The other day I went over to feed him and he came bounding up to the door to meet me. I petted his head and shooed him into the kitchen so I could get his food. He proceeded to stretch...and squeak. I didn't know cats squeaked...but apparently they do. And when they do...its hillarious.

Oreo is also deeply commited to Scrum. Scrum is a four inch long neon green stuffed lizard with a jingl ball in its mouth. Oreo drags Scrum all over the house and loves nothing better than someone to run in front of him and drag Scrum along behind. They have a very special bond.

He will beg for kitty treats and stand on two legs.
He will rear up like a horse and walk on his back feet.

He is a very cute...but very strange little cat.

He and Josh are wonderful friends though, and they keep each other in the happy. In the end I suppose that's all that matters.

Curse my bodacious..everything!

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 15:10:38 GMT

So Josh is in New York right now doing his U/RTA auditions. I could not go for I am still a baby child and have to go to class.
I know he will do splendidly..but I wish I were with him to kind of calm him down, keep his spirit up. But that is why I have a cell phone and I shall use it to text him liberally!!!

I was lonely this weekend by my two kind friends from school dedicated some very nice songs to my breasts. Stu and Jesse...making the world a better place one damned soul at a time.

I miss Josh so much. But...I must be off!!

It is time to feed our love child SenOreo...and he damned punctuality!!!

A little piece of paper..

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 20:35:20 GMT

I'm hoping this year is like a little piece of paper. Blank and empty and new. Not so big to write stories on, and not too small to use.

I'm hoping for a good one.

I'm in love with a wonderful young man.

I am loved by a wonderful young man...and a cat.

I'm hoping the new year and new starts give me something..fair.

I am thankful for Josh each day..

If he is with me...no wrong can befall me.

I want to be just like me..

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 03:08:59 GMT

I have changed.
In my fabric I have changed.
My happy days are fewer.

I had a charmed life...
I had a fire in my belly...

I'm miserable all the time.

Maybe its the Hamlet end for me?

Ultra violet light my way

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 02:53:51 GMT

I don't really know what's going on anymore.
Thank you Jocelyn for being the :) bearer in a time of :( .

I am trying so very hard to make my own happy but sometimes the world finds it funny to heap as much pressure on me as it can. Its like once upon I had fire in my soul, and now its nothing but embers.

I'm letting everything go. I need to take hold of my life once more. Or when I hit the wall I am going to be serioiusly unhappy with what I pick back up.

I shouldn't let the bastards grind me down...but its getting too hard to fight anymore.

If only laying down where that easy too...

Life = not fun.

Sometimes you have to walk...away

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 03:08:29 GMT

I don't know how to make my mind stop wringing things around.
Bad things swirl in my head and dare to suck me in.

I am trying so hard to see the happy..

Josh is my happy.

No happy = No Josh.

I still hate you FYI

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:16:28 GMT

You're a bitch.
You're a liar.

I want you to realize how much damage you have donw.
How bad you really are.
How ugly you are..inside and out.

Go finally drink yourself to death you drunken wench.

I have no peace with you any longer.

Past = undone.

That's like wanting to be gay with a bad haircut...

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 22:37:26 GMT

I'm watching The Steppford Wives. I've never seen it before but its actually pretty good.
I wish I would have seen it soonor, it really is good.

Josh and I decorated for Halloween today. We made a cute little witches corner out on my porch. I think its adorable. He was super helpful when it came to making the broomstick. I'm glad he gave it back. I was worried he would run away laughing.

I love him..he makes me a happy bunny.

There's love...then there's stupidity

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 23:50:57 GMT

Hello ladies and gentlemen boys and girls and welcome to another episode of "You're A Dumb Ho!"

That's right, where our contestants can't tell the difference between love and a gay alter boy.

I'm your host.........

You know you're a pretty sick fuck when you think its a funny prank to tell people for one thing that you are seriously and honestly engaged, and for another, that you are pregnant. I'm really sorry that I thought you were in trouble Sammi and I wanted to help you, but you know that was a really stupid, childish and retarded thing to do. Of anyone that would take things seriously, I thought it would be you...

I hope she know if she keeps this shit up she will never ever be a Psychologist, no one will hire her, she'll pass her competence and relatability assesments. She is crazy as a fucking nut apparently. You do not joke about something like that.

And James, Mr. I'm in love with your best friend no wait i'm gay no wait i'm bi no wait I love you?

Fuck head.

I know he had a hand in it too. He can lick my shiny Irish ass. There is nothing funny about that.

You what, he's only repressing the homosexual urges until he gets away from home then he will be gay as the day is long.

Bah.

Within a mile of home!!!!!!

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 13:16:37 GMT

This past weekend was amazing!!! After having to work a tour that didn't work as it should, but still turne out, on Saturday, Josh and I packed up our things and drove to Asbury Park, NJ.
We went to The Stone Pony to see Flogging Molly and they were amazing.
The energy was unbeatable.
The band was fantastic.
I got a gutair pick.

After the show Josh and I went and walked along the ocean and felt the salty breeze sting our faces.
We drove to the Ocean in one day...

He took me to the ocean.....

:D

He's going to end up marrying me....I know it.

And that's just fine.

I have been weasled

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 01:51:23 GMT

Ken and Josh came to visit today. I had a free afternoon and they wanted to get out of J-Town. So they came away to Huntingdon and we supped at Boxer's...mmmm Boxer's...I was so glad they came I missed them both.

We watched a movie afterwards and I got snuggles and kisses and eskimo nose rubs.

I got a condom in my mailbox today. To promote going to see Knocked Up on the lawn. Yes.

I'm tired.

Blah..

New kind of first day

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 02:26:24 GMT

I miss my dad alot today.

The first day of school he was always so proud of us and he would want to know everything and just be proud...

He would slip us money after he moved us in.
He'd call me during the day.

I miss my dad so much.

Everyone here asks about it and i'm ready to cry. I just wish he weren't gone. It isn't fair, I wasn't done learning from him yet.

This year is gonna be hard.

A recipe for chocolate salty balls

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 22:07:18 GMT

I was bored this afternoon so I was searching random stuff on the internet, when the idea came to me, has anyone ever attempted to make Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls. The answer is yes...and here is the recipe...

The ingredients are pretty simple, and these are no bake treats.

1C Grahm Cracker Pie Crust

1/3 to 1/2 C Corn Syrup

1C Chopped or ground nuts. (I used pecans)

==========================================

Mix Cracker Crust and nuts in a bowl, slowly add corn syrup until they get to be a stiff gooey mix. Don't make these to soft. You want them to hold together and be slightly tacky.

Kneed the mixture with your hands, which is especially fun for kids, or use a wooden spoon. If they are too soft add more nuts or more crust. You can also let this sit out and it will become harder.

===========================================

Melt 6 oz of semi-sweet chocolate chips, in a bowl, a double boiler is better, but a microwave is fine chocolate will not look melted in the microwave so just try 1 1/2 to 2 Min. maximum! Then stir and it will become a soft mixture.

Make a dry mixture of 2T granulated sugar and 1t sale

Make balls about the size of a shooter marble that's about 3/4" or smaller.

Roll the balls in the sugar and salt mixture then roll then in chocolate. Make a thin covering. You can use a spoon, or two forks. I used my fingers which means I get to lick them afterwards. Yummy!

Put the soft, warm, chocolate salty balls on wax paper or aluminium foil and put them in the Frig. to cool.

After the chocolate cools they are ready to serve...

Perfect words for perfect feelings

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 14:59:07 GMT

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And You're the perfect thing to say.

And you play your card, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
Cause you're my everything.
yeah, yeah

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

Best kind of drug

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 02:16:29 GMT

I stay on the edge of good and the edge of bad. I've missed having something to glide into, to fall back to, to have safe place.

Then there was you.

A wonderful kind of sedation. A sweet form of escape. A place for both of us to hide in.

You have saved me.

You have made me. You have fixed the broken pieces in my heart as best you could.

You keep me warm in the shadowy night.

I love you so much

Keep loving me please.

Sunday soapy Sunday

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 22:00:16 GMT

Sunday matinee at the Playhouse means two things. Two things everyone gets excited about, the next day we're dark and there for we have a break, and laundry is done. Fresh costumes for Tuesday!!! My white undershirt and white pants get the most use out of all my costumes and they reeked, so I was gonna wash them myself rather than send them out with the costumer. However, the costumer never came for laundry collection. So I decided to do laundry for everyone that needed it done.
Now I have the wonderful smell of Tide and Bounce mingling with the dank smell of unwashed costumes that await there ride in the washer. I'm hanging them outside to dry not only to save a litle energy but also because nothing smells quite as good as line dried clothes. The sunshine and fresh air make it all better.

I closed the Barn myself today. Josh had to leave early and go to work so he gave me the keys and after collecting laundry, shutting down lights, locking doors, and putting props away I finally got to come home. I'm glad to have a day off tomorrow. Josh and I are going to make panini's and I have a doctor's appointmet at two, but other than that we have a free day. Yay! I am in such a good mood, I'm tired but laundry puts me in a good mood for some reason, I'm not really sure why, but I really like doing it.

I must go hang out my whites now and put the colors in...good times.

Hour in a shotglass

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 15:49:18 GMT

This weekend I decided that I was going to totally break myself away from They're Playing Our Song and Bio and the kids. It would be my first break since I started college in January. Friday was Josh, Ken, and Rachel fest. We hung out all day long. We went to Main Moon for lunch, did a little shopping afterwards, played some Smash Brothers, went to Thunder in the Valley, played more Smash Brothers, and finally decided it was time to eat. Because biker's have taken over the city for the weekend it was unanimously decided that I would cook, so I made fajitas...really really spicey fajits that mades all of us sweat but my goodness were they good.

Saturday I spent with Josh. We did some shopping in Altoona, preordered our Harry Potter books, and had ice cream for lunch. We went to Panera bread and bought a loaf of deliciousness and then stopped and the grocery store and got stuff to make panini's with turkey, tomato, and smoked swiss. After dinner we took Howie for a walk in the woods which he seemed to enjoy. After that we took our movie's which we purchased earlier from Take 2 for practically nothing and went back to Johnstown to settle down for the evening, watch a movie, play some smash brothers, and christen my new Captain glasses which live in his cupboard.

It was a fabulous weekend. Everything was wonderful, I did so much and yet it seemed so little, like a shot or whiskey, tiny but potent.

~~Beep~~

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 15:02:10 GMT

I was reading stuff on WebMD last night about how to keep PMS in check, one thing you are to avoid is caffeine...well I wish I would have known this earlier. I consumed more iced tea and Coke Zero in the past few days than any individual ever should. Just in case anyone makes the same folly that I did, and ends up with nasty cramps, cranberry juice is an excellent cleanser for you system. It sucks all the caffeine out, decreases bloating, and helps elivate cramping..its a very very good thing.

Midol has caffeine in it, if you read the box, however, its just enough to keep you awake if you get fatigued during your period, its not enough to throw your ovaries into a tail spin, so its okay to take...also you're supposed to take Midol or Pamprin that has something in it for cramping, because if you are ingesting the other chemicals to fix other symptoms, and you don't have cramps, they could give you them just as a side affect, but the pain killer in them nips that in the bud.

Okay that's my shpeel.

Just thought you'd like to know.

:)

Smile like you mean it

Thu, 31 May 2007 20:43:20 GMT

I couldn't ask for a sweeter person than Josh.

I find it amazing how last summer I had such high hopes and such wide eyed optimism about college. I had no idea that working at a little playhouse in the middle of August to make money to pay for books would land me with two of the most wonderful men. Gerald Prosser, the most vivacious young man I ever met. Watching Sex and the City on my bed, Queer as Folk turning into soft core porn, gossiping and being silly. He has been my sanity while at Juniata. Someone who would always go for a walk into town with me...especially to get something pierced.

The other is Josh Way. We were nice to each other, he made me laugh, but we didn't fall madly into passionate love upon first meeting each other. It wasn't until I had to miss my first semester and have surgery that it was possible for us to bond. He was directing A Christmas Story, and I auditioned. Somehow he picked me to be one of the two adult female roles. I helped to stage manage for him, and we spent alot of time together. I loved him, really I did. But it was like being with a wounded puppy all the time, he was always so sad. He didn't have to give me a chance, he had every reason in the world not to want to start a new relationship, but slowly, with time, and PJs and CDs and me going to Mexico for a week., he decided I was trust worthy. I could be trusted with his precious heart.

I never had someone who so genuinly cared for me before. On the night by dad died, he was driving to Huntingdon to see me, I called him and he offered to go up to my room and get me things I left behind. He turned around and rushed back to Johnstown to be with me. He brought Pikachu and Claudia to be with me. I don't think I said anything on the way home, just held those stuffed animals and cried. He was with me everyday for three weeks. This is the first time we've been apart for more than a few hours since then.
I love him immensely, intensely....so much.

It's six months tommorrow.

I want him for six more...and more after that.

A very good day

Sun, 27 May 2007 13:51:57 GMT

Josh took me away yesterday. We went to Blue Knob and had a picnic, went on a little walk, then sat on swings and just talked and talked...well I talked, he listened really. Then we went on an absolutly beautiful drive back to Jhonstown, got lost in Beaverdale for a little bit, then found our way back to 219.
We watched LOST because the tape I tried to record it on crapped out on us the first time we tried watching it. After that we went with Ken to Denny's for ice cream.

Dirty jokes and sugar always makes me feel better. The past month has been awful, but yesterday was a very good day. And if its any inclination of what is to come, the good days will once more out number the bad ones. I am very fortunate to have Josh right now. He's my best friend. He knows what will make it better even when I don't. I love him very very much. I was so very content curled up on his couch last night watching the season finale of LOST, walking through the woods with him, cracking jokes with him and Ken and having ice cream and soda almost shoot of my noise.

Thank you for you love Josh.
Thank you for leading me one step at a time.
Thank you for helping me smile again.

-Rachel